so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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