sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
