I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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