kristin has been a bad kristin
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
