Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
