I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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