there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
