Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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