Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
