Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
