I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
