What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
