my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
