I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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