Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
