i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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