By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
