What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
