yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
