how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The Olympian is in my bed
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
