So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
