so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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