Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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