She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I am one with the molecules
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
