I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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