Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
