YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
