I heard we made out
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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