so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
