just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
