it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
