i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
