My friends, they love my intelligence
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
