***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
