I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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