is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
