We're facebook friends in real life
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
