So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
