You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
