I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
