yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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