I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
