I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
