final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm just crazy horny about you
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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