I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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