Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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