i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
