i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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