well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
