I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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